Kaia Jacobson
I grew up in a Christian household with parents who love me, and they always tried teaching me about faith. When I was a child I never truly believed and the Bible just seemed like an old storybook with boring stories. I always thought that going to church on Sundays was so boring and it made me mad that my parents forced me to go. I thought in my mind that I would rather be playing outside or sleeping in instead of trying to stay awake during the Lutheran church service.
I truly wanted to believe in God and Jesus so badly, but I was never able to get into a relationship with God. I saw my cousin’s relationship with God and I saw how sure she was that God is alive and real. I saw other people especially at church camp with deep faiths and a feeling like God was in their lives.
I originally started believing when I was about 12, but I was still a baby Christian and didn’t know much. I truly wasn’t following Christ back then looking at it now. When I was in middle school I went to a private Catholic school and I was bullied relentlessly. The school was small and I only had one friend there. During my 7th and 8th grade years I was also getting horribly bullied and made fun of at my Lutheran church as well during confirmation. During my 8th grade year everything took a turn for the worse. My only friend left my school, I was getting bullied relentlessly everywhere I went by kids who claimed to know Christ, and I also ended up getting SA’d by my pastor at my Lutheran church.
My parents never believed me when I tried opening up a little bit, so I kept it in and it almost destroyed me. I became severely depressed and anxious, and I hated myself so much. I couldn’t believe that God was real because if he is then why are these “Christians” treating me like this? If God is so good and can do anything then why is this happening. All I wanted was a friend or someone to talk to, but no one listened. I turned away completely from God and I wanted to end it all. I feel into the world many times during this and did things I’m not proud of. I also completely shut off my personality and developed severe social anxiety. The only person who kept me here was my Grandma. She doesn’t know she’s the reason I’m here today, but God knew I would need her as my grandma.
Last year I was brought into a new church by one of my acquaintances. She said I should try it and it turned out to be the best decision of my life. It’s a non-denominational church and the first night I went the message felt like it was God speaking to me. I have went there ever since and I turned 16 this past year, which was my dream age. I’m so glad God has saved me. He has also taken away my anxiety and depression, and this past year I have found true peace and happiness. I have a strong connection to God and I am truly happy with myself. The world still may think I’m not pretty or worthy or good enough, but the only one who can tell me anything about who I am is God. And I now know that I was fearfully and wonderfully made in his image. Just remember you are never too far gone for God, and this world may hate you but God loves you.
